Casual Thoughtfulness!

Acceptance is apparently the hardest part of life. Just on the verge of stepping into the other side of life, when I look back it already seems like I have lived for so long and that’s unbelievable. I am glad no one barged in with a knife behind my back all these years. Because just a couple of days back I woke up realising I am not the same guy to sleep at 3 and wake up at 10 any longer. My poo wakes me up at 6:30 sharp. And that my friend is how I have designed myself. Apparently! For now, let's just blame it partly on the school going teenager and partly on the work commitments and most importantly the time zone differences from family! Speaking of which, without digressing for another moment, let's just accept the old age rage syndromes and begin speaking of acceptance yet again.  Accepting that another person did not like your design, accepting that your product launch failed to impress the client, accepting that you are scared of falling down, may be yet again; phew...

Been there done that. Age does make you wiser or atleast more receptive in terms of people behaviour and attitude. And just what these recent events got me this time and not just a mere thinker. So I rose up one level I guess. The mysteries of being a human doesn't end anywhere. The multiple layers hidden in a single personality is quite perplexing in itself. Like always, I like to record my observations and when time allows I like to look back getting a fool proof validation everytime. This new heedfulness resulted in categorizing people into two kinds on the basis of being judgemental and assertive. Let me begin with the very first kind, which presents itself as all powerful, all knowledgeable, is assertive on the basis of their knowledge which is to a large extent very true also yet in their knowledge, they have very little window to enhance it. They put a period on the subject that is done. This makes them closed minded. This leads to a superiority complex. And henc...

The more I want to be like water, the more I analyze its character as well as the adversities it hides in itself. So far I was focussing on the exceptionalities. The calmness, the resilience and the adaptiveness. I have been envisioning to imbibe all of these for a while now. These are pecularities you need, to survive on without being afflicted or hurt. Yet, it is hard to be so flowy and accommodating, you will always be hit by hurdles.  Somethings will always try to stop you. Yet when you choose to flow, you shall. When you flow, you put all yourself in. Then there is no baggage behind. You believe to gather yourself and go along all the time. But when you decide a life like that, in real world scenario, you shall only abide by yourself and be prepared to be dispossessed by most people to meet new ones and keep flowing. You shall hurt them and hurt yourself in this process. There will be attachments and heart breaks.  Just as you touch water, you feel cool, you fee...

Once I lived with a song.. The song had a beautiful smile.. The song had a nested soul.. The song believed in itself.. Once I lived with a song.. Everymorning it hummed in my ears.. Every evening it sang to me to sleep.. Every now and then it helped me live.. Once I lived with a song.. The song had a dark side.. The song had forbidden brink.. The song was sad.. Once I lived with a song.. It once woke up choking.. It was entrapped inside its own fright.. It meant to break the walls of steel.. Once I lived with a song.. Its sufferings became unbearable.. It was time for it to forget it all.. It was time for it to end.. Once I lived with a song.. I couldnt see its plight.. I couldnt help it either.. I watched it die till the end.. Once I lived with a song.. The song looked at me for help.. The song couldn't figure out how.. The song needed a friend.. Once I lived with a friend.. My friend needed a guide.. My...

“In the long run, what matters is how much you are centered within.” I, like I always do, “wonder”, and this time I tried to look a few notches deeper into my own self to discover the existential importance of my alter ego. And I realized that it’s not just important to me rather it is my true self in the hiding. The thin line between sanity and insanity is what all this defines.  Having read a few more books on philosophy and existence, including the mythological dramas from around the world, it stuck me how everything is so relatable and inevitable. The energies – yin and yang, positive and negative, dark and light, good and bad; why does everything exist in two parts?  I always like to connect dots in my life; I certainly am a firm believer of destiny, a path that you choose to walk on. Talking of dyad, my constructive soul as well has two parts. Talking about them, I realized how destructive my alter ego can be and how it sometimes overpowers my sane self. It cou...

My idea of friends and friendship, if I have to define it in two words it would be “non judgmental”. We all have friends, of all sorts. I have made many friends over the years, some stayed with me, and some in my thoughts. In all these years, there had been just one single friend that my unconscious mind recalled time and again. My sister from another mother, my mind reader from miles apart, she has always been there. Now that I have a lot of time to over analyze a lot of things, I just thought why is she so important to me? What binds us like that? The answer is right there in my very first sentence. She is non judgmental of my actions. She accepts me the way I am and she knows where I need to be stopped. And to me, if she says it, it must be true.   Those who know me would know I wouldn’t write a letter of gratitude as a blog, well I could too. But nah, I am just going to touch that core matter of this entire monologue. The crux that binds people in a relationship of tr...

Because I am a mother and because it is a very child centric profession, I have my blues to sing and yellows to dance on. It is such a 1-2-1 (as in b2b) work ethic that I am always focused on the things that she does and how I react and vice versa. Care the least of her association with others including the father. Although it does concern me how my product will behave and show social emotions to the rest of her kin and kinds. A constant debate is what goes on in the head to clarify all her actions starting with the way she sleeps, to brushing her teeth and to finish the food that is packed in her lunch box. Near or far, your one eye, one ear, one heart, one mind, one kidney, one liver, one stomach is always busy catering to her . If there are longer pauses of silence the ear will not resist checking on what’s cooking. The eye sees the unbelievable mess and the heart absorbs the catastrophe with patience. A part of the mind tries to engage her in something productive...

Life can’t be more stressful than what it is right now.   Anyway, having spent a couple of months all by myself, I have some huge confessions to make. The biggest I believe is, your life is what you choose it to be. Nobody likes to invite troubles and there are some fools who walk into them. Whilst, revelations evolved, realizations followed and I am a changed man altogether. These were times of true test of strengths and capabilities. If I could hold on to myself without reaching that level of insanity, I would be safe enough to be exposed to the society. And well, to my surprise I nailed it. Just to clarify, my insanity levels fell short of a few clicks resuming me back to that sane category. No matter how crazy I may have been, I continue to be a social animal. A sigh or relief – I care the least. Speaking of which, I rather like to talk less now. The blabber in me has some how gone lazy. A realization - I don’t always have to put my thoughts across. It is okay to gi...